Kakasaku Drabbles
by hypereuni
Summary: Some canon-based. Others indulgently AU.
1. Chapter 1

**Prompt: finders keepers**

Something sparkled in the sandbox. Sakura reached out to grab it with her pudgy toddler hands but someone else beat her to the punch.

"Finders keepers, brat. Besides, this is mine," the boy said, pocketing the shuriken. He had the annoying kind of bored tone that Sasuke-kun used and the perpetually half-lidded eyes to go along with it. He probably tried to copy Sasuke's hairstyle as well, the jerk. It obviously didn't work out, because his hair stuck out like an albino hedgehog on his head.

The boy brushed the sand off his pants and stood up to leave before Sakura grabbed him by the leg. He paused to look at her disdainfully.

Sakura scowled and did the thing she did best to the people she didn't like—she bit him as hard as she could with all ten of her teeth. The boy looked at her blankly and sighed.

"My first impression of you," he told the pink-haired toddler chomping on his leg, "is...I hate you."


	2. Chapter 2

**Prompt: Apple**

Summary: Sakura as a nymph of the Hesperides. Greek mythology AU.

Karin and Ino had run off earlier to sneak into the feast that was happening now at Mt. Olympus and she would have joined them if not for the _stupid_ magic that prevented her from leaving the Garden of the Hesperides.

Sasuke wa _s_ very handsome for a demigod, true, but only Ino was daft enough to hand over some of Tsunade's heirloom tomatoes to someone the goddess had expressly forbidden from entering the garden. There was even a sign on the door that read "FRUIT OFF LIMITS TO UCHIHAS" in big bold red letters. Ino, that _pig_ , had pinned the blame on Sakura, and Tsunade was too incensed to be impartial.

Middle children always got the short end of the stick.

Sasuke was most definitely not going to show up today, not with the plethora of ripe tomatoes at the feast, but Tsunade wasn't taking any chances. And so here _she_ was, crosslegged on a golden tree branch, stuck on guard duty while everyone else was off celebrating the summer solstice, with nothing else to do except juggling some apples and staring off into the eternal sunset.

Sakura stared mournfully toward the cloud-wreathed mountain in the distance and then at the mortal world outside the garden. The branch that she sat on poked through the magical barrier, so at certain times when the barrier was weak (like the solstice), she could see the verdant pastures surrounding these stone walls. There was usually nothing to see except miles and miles of grassy hill, but there were a few nanny goats today. One of them was still nursing; a lamb, tired from gamboling with the others, bounded over to its mother and latched onto her teat.

When that got boring, Sakura looked around for things to juggle. She snagged a golden apple from a nearby tree and threw it high up in the air.

 _Stupid_ Sasuke.

 _Stupid_ tomatoes.

 ** _Stupid_ Ino-pig**.

Sakura clenched the apple with a little too much force and the apple slipped out of Sakura's hands and down, down, down into the mortal realm.

She heard a small thunk and a surprised yelp that was followed by a chorus of yips. Crappy mood evaporating, Sakura crawled out a little farther on the tree limb and peered over the wall. "Are you okay?" She called out. She stuck her neck out a little farther and caught a glimpse of white hair.

There was a moment of silence, and then a groan of pain.

"Hello? Sir?" She _really_ didn't want to go down to the Underworld to fill out the paperwork for manslaughter. Her day couldn't get any worse than this.

"Yes?" a voice floated up, and Sakura nearly wept tears of joy.

"YES, hello! Are you alright, sir?"

"...I think so," the voice said a little doubtfully. "But I'm afraid I'm lost on the path of life. Could you help me find my way back?"

He was definitely **_not_ **okay.


	3. Chapter 3

**Prompt:** _underneath the underneath_

"KAKASHI SENSEI! WHAT IN THE WORLD WERE YOU THINKING ABOUT?" Sakura raged. She slammed an orange book into his chest. "Not everyone is into porn like you and Naruto. I am NOT one of the guys."

"Maa, maa, you hurt my heart, Sakura-chan," Kakashi said, wincing a little from the impact.

Sakura scoffed. "If you had any feelings inside that shriveled up pea you call a heart, you would have paid everyone for all of the food you've eaten at their expense," she pointed out. Kakashi scratched his head sheepishly.

"That may or may not be true, but you really did hurt my feelings," he said, and gave her a look. "You forgot my most important lesson to you three."

"...What does it have to do with Icha Icha?"

"Looking underneath the underneath," he said simply, and sauntered off. Sakura stared at his departing figure for a while before looking back at the book in her hands.

"Kai?" she said uncertainly, and the book shimmered before turning into a yellow tulip. A small note puffed into existence. _Happy birthday, Sakura_ , it read. It was signed with a small henohenomoheji.


	4. Chapter 4

**Prompt: Soulmates. Sakura is in a coma, and the only way to wake her up is by a kiss from her soulmate. All of the Rookie 11 try to no avail. They decide that Sasuke is the one, and they all go together to bring him back. Before he leaves to track Sasuke down, Kakashi stops by her hospital room.**

* * *

She looked unnatural, a mannequin hooked up to IV drips and wires that connected to equipment.

This wasn't Sakura.

Sakura belonged in the field, pummeling the earth with her fists, shards of rock and dirt and her pink hair flying with the impact of her punches. Sakura didn't look like _this_ , all pale and lifeless. Even her vibrant hair seemed washed out under the sterile blue hospital lighting.

"Maa, Sakura, at least you're getting enough beauty sleep," he drawled. He half-expected a petulant rejoinder, but only the muted beeping from the machine acknowledged his insult.

He wrinkled his nose at the smell of ethanol. He hated hospitals for a reason, especially because of how it smelled, the smell of antiseptics filling his nostrils.

 _The stench of death_ , he thought for a split second before dismissing it from his mind.

 _She was only in a coma_ , he reminded himself, one that was reversible as soon as they found his wayward student. Nevertheless, he opened the window and pulled back the curtains. A gust of mountain air redolent of pine swept into the stuffy room, inadvertently knocking over the vase of flowers on the window still.

At least it got rid of some of the sterile hospital smell.

"We're going to bring back Sasuke to wake you up," he told the still figure on the cot. A kiss from a prince would surely bring her back to life. "We'll bring him back this time. I promise."

He wavered before pulling down his mask.

"My favorite student," he murmured before pressing his lips against her forehead.

He looked at her for a moment before pushing back the curtains and jumping down from the window.

He didn't notice the faint twitch of her hands on the coverlet. It wasn't until the curtains stilled that a voice, scratchy from months of disuse, whispered, "Kakashi?"


	5. Chapter 5

**Prompt: Meet me in Wonderland**

AN: Dug through my old notes and found some short pieces that I made some minor corrections to, which is why I've been updating like a madwoman these past two days.

Feel free to send me prompts any time!

* * *

Sakura groaned and sat up, propping herself against the trunk of the tree behind her. Where the _fuck_ did Ino ditch her this time?

She looked around and blinked.

Whatever Ino had spiked her drinks with was definitely not out of her system yet, because she was seeing yellow polka-dotted hills and pink cotton candy clouds. Christ, she needed something for this hangover. And some medicinal charcoal for Ino's misguided attempt to get her into the clubbing mood last night.

Grumbling, Sakura closed her eyes and sent a quick pulse of chakra throughout her body. It moved more sluggishly than usual but that was probably due to the residual drugs and the alcohol still in her bloodstream. She stopped channeling chakra when she was sure that her pathways were all clear.

She glanced at a tree on a nearby hill and frowned.

She was sober now, so why was she still seeing candy cane-striped trees on polka-dotted hills?

"Kai!"

Nothing happened.

So, not a genjutsu. Huh.

Sakura tried pinching herself awake and ended up with a sore red arm for her troubles. She groaned and flopped over to her right side.

Well, whatever. She got up and dusted the seat of her shorts.

 _Time to go exploring._

* * *

After trekking through miles and miles of forest (and circling the same meadow five times before she realized her mistake), she finally stumbled across a meadow with a small table laden with tea things.

Sakura had never seen so much food in her life. There were plates of scones and bowls of clotted cream and a blue teapot with a crack running down its side.

At the present, all of the five seats were empty except for the one at the head of the table. The current occupant of that seat seemed to be sleeping; the top hat he wore obscured his facial features from sight.

It was a battered looking hat, black silk stained with age in odd places here and there, but nevertheless it seemed to be kept in decent condition. There was a torn playing card that read "JOKER" tucked in the purple hat band.

"Er, hello? Can I sit here for a little bit?"

The top hat didn't move.

Sakura decided to sit down anyway, courtesy be damned, sliding into one of the wicker chairs. She tried to reach for a teacup but it giggled and scuttled behind the sugar pot, which waved around a spoon menacingly towards her direction.

Giving up, she slumped bonelessly in her chair.

"I give up," she wailed to herself. "I don't know what the hell Ino did but my system is fine and it's not a mind technique so _why can't I get out_?"

A slate-gray eye sleepily blinked open from under the brim of the hat.

"Lost on the road to life?" A very familiar voice drawled. The hat shifted, revealing a shock of white hair.

It couldn't be... "Kakashi sensei?"

"Never really was a sensei," the hat muttered. "Just call me Kakashi."


	6. Chapter 6

Kakashi closed his eyes and leaned back on the wall behind him. The wall was grimy and cold but he couldn't care less. The air was heavy with the smell of ozone and damp earth and he dimly felt his skin prickling with that familiar sensation of unease and fear.

A storm was coming.

The sensors embedded into his skin screamed at him to run away and find shelter, anything to shield this fragile shell of organic material and metal from the corrosive effects of the acid rain.

 _Hurry, hurry._ They whispered through his bloodstream, urging his unmoving muscles to action. _Protect body. Hurry._

He shook his head to get rid of the tinny sounds echoing in his ears like gnats.

 _Hurry_ , his body pleaded. His fingers twitched involuntarily. Kakashi scowled and clenched the offending fingers with his other hand until they ceased their spastic movements. He remained seated in the alleyway, even as the sky darkened and the air grew heavier.

A drop of rain fell on his cheek, and another.

The heavy downpour that just started would probably hasten the rate of decomposition, the rate at which his synthetic flesh broke down and the metal skeleton of his body locked in place. His skin was fashioned from a more durable synthetic material than the older models; in a storm like this, however, it would take at most eight hours for the acid rain to eat through the soft tissue until there was nothing left but tough plastic and odd pieces of metal.

Here he would stay, limbs unmoving, eyes wide open, part of his mind still vaguely aware of the stinging pain as the rain took apart his flesh, until the battery that powered his body sputtered out and whatever made him Kakashi left the hollow husk that tied him down to this world.

 _HURRY HURRY HURRY_ , the sensors shrieked at him one last time before abruptly stopping with a fizzle. Kakashi stubbornly remained, looking starkly out of place in a flimsy silk shirt and dress pants amidst the debris and garbage bags that had been flung haphazardly into this dingy alleyway. There were already holes appearing in the shirt, exposing pale skin to the elements. In a few minutes, the last threads of the shirt would melt away and the rain would start its relentless assault on his skin.

Not that it mattered to him. Kakashi was just a broken toy, after all; an expensive doll, certainly, but replaceable if one had the means to do so. No one wanted an automaton that had a few screws loose, especially around their beloved daughter. Master Obito would probably order another model that looked just like him, that moved and talked and behaved just like the original, and little Rin wouldn't know a thing. Another model that had both eyes intact, an automaton that wouldn't try to kill the person most precious to Obito.

Kakashi was exceptional in all aspects.

"Monster," Obito had spat. He had dumped him in a remote alley in a distant neighborhood, far, far away from Rin. After giving Kakashi his last and final command, Obito had left. "Stay here," Obito had ordered. "Stay until you break down, you piece of trash." He had kicked him viciously in the stomach before leaving.

Kakashi had obeyed.

At least Obito had spared Kakashi the trip to the Dump. Kakashi would have been torn apart by some grease monkey looking for a few spare parts, or fixed and sold to one of the brothels in the Underground. Obito was kind, after all. Kakashi knew that better than anyone else.

Kakashi listened to the sound of the rain pit-pattering around him, of the sizzle of acid hitting flesh. He opened his eyes and studied the wall of the building in front of him.

It was a…cathedral, he realized, a little dumbfounded. A remaining relic of the Old Days miraculously still standing, from the times before the Disaster, before robots were manufactured and mass-produced. Most of the religious institutions were demolished after the Great Ban, the metal fixtures taken and melted down to make other, more useful things. The inside of this building was probably stripped bare by the thieves that came after the Government and the wrecking ball.

Gods didn't exist, of course—they couldn't, not after humanity turned their backs on their deities in the years following the Disaster. If the Gods still remained in this abandoned world, they would probably have secluded themselves, hidden, in the small pockets of the world that still believed in them, supporting their weak bodies with their prayers.

Places like…this building, Kakashi thought before berating himself. What was he thinking about? The rain had probably begun to affect his neural processes. Besides, how would he know about the existence of Gods, anyway? Robots didn't have Gods, because the Gods only listened to things that had souls and robots didn't have real souls. Robots were merely imitations, fakes that stood outside the natural cycle of life and death.

Like himself.

Kakashi knew that the Gods, if there were any still left in this abandoned world, wouldn't listen to a robot, especially one with hands stained with sin. Still, as the water trickled down his neck and washed away the remaining rags on his back, he suddenly found himself making one futile request.

Please, he thought to himself, the last dregs of consciousness slipping away as the water trickled down his neck and washed away the remaining rags on his back. Please, save me.

* * *

 **AN: This is a short drabble that I don't really have the motivation of continuing. I mainly just wrote it for the angst? I'm a terrible person, I know. Basically, Kakashi is a robot owned by Obito and his daughter Rin, before Kakashi goes slightly insane and attempts to kill Rin because he mistakes her for someone else. Sakura is a forgotten god hiding in the cathedral who eventually rescues Kakashi.**


End file.
